Google+ What I Made Today: An Expression

Sunday, July 26, 2009

An Expression


I am amused and perplexed at how often I find myself in places where I feel I belong, and yet don't. It's not that fish-out-of-water feeling, rather it's a feeling of being a goldfish in open seas, or a marlin in a 100 gallon tank. It's knowing that you're in your element and yet ... something is seriously dis-harmonic. Such feelings have been on the rise for me these past several days.

This feeling is not unfamiliar to me. It is one I have nurtured intimacy with for as long as I can remember, and when I stand dead center in the core of the feeling - in my Truth - and Express myself from that place, I'm often judged - and not with kindness. As a little girl I learned to keep such expression to myself. As I grew I learned to express the feelings in subjective ways, ways that were somehow abstract and more acceptable. As I grew older still, I realized the value in both of these means ...

Keeping such feelings in my pocket and holding back the expression of them has offered me opportunity to get very close and intimate with my Truth, closer perhaps than others ever do. It has also taught me the power of witnessing in silence. Keeping such feelings in my pocket and holding back has also taught me to never shy away from creative expression.

Folks who know me well may be perplexed in reading this, for I am often perceived as candid and direct, and this is true - especially when I am asked. There are times when I speak my truth forthrightly, yet there are far more times when I hold it in my pocket and quietly witness the occurrences around me.

As I grow older still, into the place that I am now, skirting the threshold of cronehood, I feel my lifeforce, my truths, my very spirit swelling within me ... and lacking the method of escape - dare I say Expression - it and I have grown accustomed to for almost forty years, and I wonder.

And I smile. And I feel for the people I share this life with. For they will love me. Or they will not. And I'm ready.

11 comments:

annie kelleher said...

i'd say you are one of the most discreet individuals i've ever met - though when you DO speak your truth, my experience is that you're as direct as i am. so having read this makes me wonder... should i consider myself warned? ;)

Walk in the Woods said...

Why Annie? Is there something I've missed? LOL!!!!!

(((Actually, considered yourself embraced)))

Divaeva said...

how can anyone not possibly love you? I find that I may not feel as comfortable in some places...but I always believe I belong... I need to learn from you how to keep those truths in my pocket and when to share!

paintingpam said...

Sometimes I just blurt out what I feel and others I just stay quiet. What is right is the time and space we are in. Does that make sense??

Zom said...

Hurrah!

I think there comes a time when it is right to no longer keep silent. And it is after our croning.

Walk in the Woods said...

Oh Eva ... the possibilities seem endless. Jackasses! :D

Pam - Yes, it makes sense. Yet, I'm not a blurter, and I must say that I am rather glad for that. For in *those* times and spaces when the universe is pulling the words from me, I negotiate for rhetoric, phrasing and tone that will temper a harsh message with love ... or at least construct clever enough sarcasm to confuse those around me into laughter or bewilderment - in any event allowing time for me to exit stage left before the meaning seeps through their grey matter.

And Zom, sweet Zom (it's sooooo good to see you!), to you I say, "F'n A!"

Kim said...

Candid yes,but their is thought and reflection behind it. And you do hold things unless asked - just beware that once asked the truth will be told. I am still working on balancing my truth and my words.

Divaeva said...

*giggle* your strawberry needs a shave ;)

Walk in the Woods said...

Jeeze Eva! *That's* a little personal, don't cha think? :D

Tammie Lee said...

Welcome home Rose,
I scrolled down your blog and this photo drew me in to read your post. Amazing photo and a perfect marriage for what you share! I have had to learn to keep somethings in my pocket as well. Sometimes I ask myself 'should I say this out loud', instantly a yes or no rises and I honor it. That seems to work quite well. Such a delicate balance communication is. My sense is that you are a wonderful communicator!

Walk in the Woods said...

Thank you Tammie. I do my best. :)