Yesterday, the first day of February, Imbolc ~ as beautiful and gentle as the start may have been ~ transformed into a day that challenged me.
In a way that surprised me.
And in a way that awakened me.
And challenged again.
After several months of not feeling a need to be vigilant in the daily management of negative energies, it would seem that I'd become … vulnerable to toxic verve.
I found myself feeling irritated over things that simply didn't matter to me.
I found myself taking external behaviors and expressions personally.
I found myself distracted, unfocused and out of balance as the day evolved.
In recognizing these things I found mySelf pressing the pause button.
The button is still engaged as I explore what I own in this scenario. I know it's easier and socially acceptable (and, dare I say, encouraged) in such situations, to blame the external catalyst, and carry that heavy condition with us to our graves. Yet, I'm choosing to own my response to the situation, the challenge. After all, I chose to feel irritation, to take things personal, and to allow myself to be derailed. For surely by owning my responses and feelings, by holding them close, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, I'll become so intimate with these bits of me that I'll be able to honor them and accept the gifts that they offer me. With gratitude. And I will be lighter for it. Plus, there's journaling involved.
It's a rather ominous experience, exploring this realm. All the same, it is a realm very familiar to me and it will be even more familiar before the day is out. Of this I am certain.
I realize this expression may not mean anything to anyone but me, but … there it is. And I feel more centered for it.
All the same, I invite you to push the pause button the next time you're knocked off your center.